How to say a good “goodbye” as a leader?

—Something about saying well farewell

We say “goodbye” every day.

But some good-byes will have a significant impact.

When we talk about leadership, the keywords are usually focused on visionary, confidence, communication, motivation, empathy, problem-solving…and so on.

In short, it’s all about being a leader for the current team.

However, we neglect the fact that as a leader, the reality is not that narrow:

The leaders have to lead in the situation that people are leaving: layoffs and resignations.

In 2020, many companies had to lay off a significant number of employees due to Covid. On the contrary, in 2021 and 2022, companies are facing ‘Great Resignation’ mainly because of the need of mental health.

It’s not at all a pleasant thing to tell someone their time with the company has come to the end. Neither it’s easy to say goodbye to an employee who has to resign because their well-being or health becomes shaky.

Saying farewell is the last process that the company and the leader go through with the employee.

From the point of view of Human Ecology and systemic perspective, there is a principle or hypothesis: the system has memory. How the process of leaving the system, the company, was experienced will have an impact on the current and future employees. If the leaving process was done with an exclusion, no respect, neglect, or conflicts, it will be likely to cause repeated problems in the company.

Therefore managing to say “good-bye” well, even could be an essential quality of leadership in 2022 and the coming years.

Here are some key elements and steps to say well farewell:

1. Listen to yourself first before taking care of others.

Taking care of yourself before taking care of the other — this is the golden rule, especially when facing difficult decisions and processes. We tend to put our attention to the employees who are leaving, but we often forget that the leaders are also experiencing a painful time to say goodbye, especially by executing the layoff. Some leaders may be experiencing stress, guilt, regret and sadness during periods of layoff, even without being aware. Ignoring or suppressing these emotions will bring more damage in long term.

Take time to stop and listen to inner emotional reactions with empathy.

Understand the needs behind the emotions.

If necessary, don’t hesitate to find a coach to talk to.

2. Struggle.

Allow yourself to go through the struggle: Do I agree with this decision or not? If I do it, is it against my values? Is there anything I can do differently?

A layoff is a new practice since the 1980s. Very short history compared to management and leadership. It’s considered the fastest way to cut costs and the focus is on shareholders. However, from the view of Human Ecology, layoff might cost higher in terms of system ecology and energy. Plus, it is still controversial to consider the shareholder value as the only priority. Being a leader also means questioning the status quo, and being innovative.

3. Make the decision.

Here the decision doesn’t mean the decision of layoff, but means the decision of execution layoff or not, or proposing a different action. After being aware of your own needs and values, then make the decision to do it or not. Jim Lippens, was hired for a new position with 108 employees and on the 1st day his job was to fire 27 employees, with a plan to fire all 108 employees. Jim made a decision: to do everything he could, for them. Not alone, but together with the 81 remaining employees, the business unite started to make 1st profit in more than 30 years. After 4 years, this problem department delivered 85% result with only 10% population. (https://happiness-conference.world/about-us/)

This is a cheerful story. But if the reality is different, layoff could be a choice, with the awareness of the price too.

4. Take responsibility for your decision.

No matter what the decision is: Yes or No, once you made the decision: you take the responsibility for this decision. For example, if you decide to execute as you understand fully the importance and the needs, you take the responsibility of leading the team and executing the process, well.

5. Take time to plan and prepare well the conversation. Face to face.

Usually, we take time to prepare and plan when we recruit, while the layoff and resignation may be done in a sudden or in a hurry, even sometimes via digital meeting or even just by email or letter. Good planning can prevent rumours. Face to face shows respect and importance to the person. Avoid doing it by email.

6. Be authentic, honest and neutral.

Set a strong intention for this meeting before the person comes in.

Being authentic and honest is the key to a strong leader.

Trying to cheer up the person or pretending to be so-called ‘positive’ will just make things worse. Especially in the case of a layoff, acknowledge that it’s difficult or even painful. Vulnerability is not being weak, but being strong by accepting and expressing how you feel sincerely. No need for any justification, but stay firm and neutral.

7. A sincere expression of recognition or appreciation.

The employee had spent some time of his or her life working in this company, it is a fact and reality that he or she chose to work here and had brought contribution, no matter how big or small the contribution was, no matter how long he or she had stayed. Since it’s a fact, it’s very important to express thanks for this contribution. Neglecting or not expressing any appreciation could harm the connection with this person and even harm the team energy in the future.

Even sometimes the conversation is done by HR professionals, the direct leader/manager plays an essential role in this process.

Don’t let this farewell be a block in the connection.

We never know where and how the people we said goodbye to will influence the future of the company.

Let the “good-bye” be a good one.

Let the farewell be done well.