3 Keys of Living in Happiness

Is it difficult or easy for you to live in happiness?

If your answer is easy, then this article may be not for you.

If you find it difficult, or not easy for you to live in happiness, then the next 3 minutes of reading could be a beginning of living in a happy life more easily.

Before we talk about happiness, I would like to invite you to close your eyes for a moment.

With your eyes closed, you may relax your body.

Then you may recall a moment in your life where you were feeling truly happy, joyful...or feeling full of love, or feeling being loved.

Feeling this state now. Imagine this state is here now: you are truly happy, truly in love. You are like this all the time. Now you may ask yourself this following question:

What I'm missing now?

Then you may open your eyes. What do you miss when you are in such a state?

If you really let yourself go deep into this small exercise, you will feel that you are missing NOTHING when you are truly happy.

However, in our daily life, we are not in this state. Why?

Because we all have an idea of happiness. A concept. A definition of what we must be or have to be happy. For example, for some of us, we believe that we must be rich to be happy. When we are rich, we can buy whatever we want, like a latest released smart phone, a chic cashmere coat, or a fabulous set of ceramic tableware... Or for some of us, we are happy if we experience all the pleasures: Pleasures of senses, pleasure of food, having parties, watching movies, travel to the other side of the earth... all kinds of desires and pleasures. All these things, yes, can make us feel good for a moment. And we all know that at the end of the satisfaction, we will fall into insatisfaction - unhappiness, as we feel something is missing. Because this is even the nature of desire: one comes, we follow it. Then the other comes, and we follow it...Sooner or later, we end up with insatisfaction. Or for some of us, we are happy if we have security: life is assured, no danger. Or for some of us, life will be perfect if I meet my prince! Then we will have children and life will be happy...

These are all ideas which are not bad at all. It's good to have money, comfort, pleasure, security and people who love us around. There is no doubt that they all contribute to our happiness.

But if we consider that they are the only conditions to be happy, then we'll unfortunately encounter insatisfaction because these factors can only bring temporary happiness, or illusionary happiness. It means they usually lead to unhappiness in the end, if they are the only reason why we are happy.

If you recall earlier our exercise: the moment of true happiness, then we may ask this very interesting question: What is the difference between the illusionary happiness the true happiness, which is authentic, genuine and sustainable?

Or what is the secret of living in happiness without end up with insatisfaction?

There are 4 secrets, or 4 keys of living in happiness authentically:

First: the authentic and true happiness cannot depend on external things. Seek the happiness inside.

If you believe your happiness can only from outside, then your happiness depends on external things, on external situations or on others, then you will spend your life time on running after external experiences.

This doesn't mean that you cannot enjoy them. Yes, you can still welcome them, enjoy a party, go on vacation, no problem.

This means your happiness can depend on something more profound and solid: our internal reaction to the external world. We can cultivate our inner state, our quality of being to become independent of external situations, or even transform the external situations into inspiring moments.

For example, from 2020, most of us are facing this global pandemic time - an external situation imposing on us. I felt frustrated, annoyed, stressed and impatient as I wanted it to end as soon as possible, so that I can start my new life in this beautiful new country, to meet new people and deliver workshops in companies, or yoga and qigong course in a wellbeing center. But the external situation continues.

Does this mean I cannot live in happiness?

No.

After a while, I decided to enjoy this period to take a rest, settle down, and learn new things.

I picked up learning guitar, new skills like editing video and creating a website, worked as volunteer for a Youtube channel of wellbeing...

Happiness is an internal state that we can decide, a state that we can choose.

We can decide every morning:

How can I bring more kindness to people instead of judgement or criticism, or any other form of violence?

How can I bring more enthusiasm and creativity to people instead of bringing more complaining and negativity?

Do I choose joy or sadness?

Do I choose compassion or indifference?

Do I choose self-love or self-indulgence?

Do I choose rushing or mindfulness?

...

And very strangely, the internal state may bring new things happen to our life.

This is not abstract to understand. We even don't need to mention the law of attraction. Imagine: you are a HR director in a company who is looking for potential talent for a position, or you are an experienced investor who has a lot of ressources, who will you give this precious opportunity or resource: the person who has the capability and whose inner state is dependent on external situations and others, or the person who has the same capability and whose inner state is stable, cheerful, curious, enthusiastic no matter facing whatever external situation - who will you give the opportunity?

Of course, the latter. Simple as that.

This is the first secret of happiness: it cannot depend on external things or others.

Seek your happiness inside.

Walk on a path of inner happiness.

Second: All moments of true happiness are moments of presence.

Every time, when we are not happy, when we are anxious, stressed, sad, angry or afraid, we are not present. We are either in our worries of the future, or in our memories of the past.

Simply, a moment of being present, is already an authentic moment of happiness.

Being present, is not simple.

According to scientific studies, a human being can have 6,000 to 12,000 thoughts per day. Unfortunately, 80% of these thoughts are negative and 90% of them are repetitive.

These thoughts are all kinds of analysis, critics, judgement, comparison, regrets, day-dreaming, memories... non-stop. Few of them bring us happiness. It is pity that we carry them everywhere and everyday.

Plus, they consumes us lots of energy.

The capability of entering into present moment can be trained. Like working out our muscles. It gets stronger when we exercise them frequently and regularly.

There are many ways to cultivate this quality of being:

• Meditation: like Zen meditations, guided meditations; sitting meditation, walking meditation and standing meditation.

• Mindfulness practices.

• Breathing exercise.

• Exercise of S.T.O.P.

• Movement in presence, like Yoga, Qigong, Tai Chi...etc.

• All other activities that brings you back to the present moment: jogging, painting, cooking, dance, gardening, hiking...etc.

Among the ways above, meditation has 2 effects that the other methods may not have:

1. Better mastery of our mind and thoughts.

2. Better self-knowledge.

Third: Happiness starts when you feel gratitude.

In the word "幸福“, happiness in Chinese, there are two ideographs: "幸", luck, appreciate, rejoice, or celebrate. "福", happiness, good fortune, or blessings.

There are many ways to interpret the word. For me, I see it in the following way:

The happiness 福 is born when we feel how lucky we are 幸.

In other words, our ability to feel grateful, to appreciate, to rejoice, to celebrate can influence how happy we are.

In 2008, I was working in a small village in France. On the 12th May, I went to office and my manager looked at me with concern, asking me: "How are your families? Are they safe?"

It was a bit weird for me, as I didn't know why he asked that. Then he told me that he listened to the radio that morning and learned that there was a big earthquake in my hometown Sichuan in China earlier that morning... It was measured as 8M, and it was even felt in Shanghai (1700km away). All the websites in China had no colours, only black and white, with heart-breaking images. My hands were shaking when I tried to call my families. Signals were extremely busy and weak. It was a miracle that I got my parents on the phone: they are alive and safe. In the following days, they were sleeping in a tent in a parking with at least some clean water and food.

I remember very clear the next days when I woke up in the morning: I feel grateful that I'm alive. I feel grateful that my families are alive. I feel grateful that I have a roof above me, an apartment to live in. When I turn on the tap, I feel grateful that I have clean water to drink and even warm water for shower. Then when I went on my day, from morning to night, from home to work, I realised there are innumerable things I could feel grateful. Every time, I connect to the feeling of gratitude, for a person, for a thing, or simply I remember I am alive, I feel truly happy. I feel powerful. I feel blessed.

We may all have had some moments like this in life: suddenly we realise how lucky we are.

But the real question is: Do we have to wait until an earthquake, or a pandemic to remind us how lucky we are?

NO! We don't have to.

We can start from today, to exercise our capability of feeling gratitude.

"It is not happiness that makes us grateful.

It is gratefulness that makes us happy."

David Steindl-Rast

Some people may say: I don't have many things to feel grateful.

Yes, it could be. Let's start from something that you can feel grateful, for example:

This cup of coffee in my hand: thank you for bringing a cozy morning to me.

The jacket I'm wearing: thank you for keeping me warm.

My cat: thank you for being in my life.

My hands: thank you for serving me for so many years with loyalty.

My parents: thank you for giving me life.

My friends: thank you for listening to me when I'm down.

A cashier in a super market: thank you for your work in pandemic time.

...

It could be not easy at the beginning, but after 10 years of practising, I would say:

There is no day in my life now that I don't feel grateful.

There is always something we can feel grateful.

In other words, there is always a reason for me to be happy. Only if I decide.

Thank you for reading.

Wish you a year of happiness, joy and gratitude!